asongwithin | Duplicity Inbox

[ Emma and what he did there is complicated. Because it's one of those things that he doesn't like and really, really doesn't like himself for--

but can't really regret, either.

And it's really not where his mind is right now. Well, not where most of his mind is.]

At the time, it felt like I should have 'handled' Apocalypse like you did Phoenix. Like we both thought there should be some common ground in the loss of control and guilt to meet on. I couldn't find it and felt like I was failing because I could not just come back.

Having recently been given a basis for direct comparison - No, Jean. Even Dark, even terrifying and terrible, Phoenix is an elemental force. Apocalypse was evil. I wanted to die for what I did when I lost control of her, but I felt contaminated after Apocalypse and that was... I didn't handle that well. [ Could not stand the thought of her anywhere near him, really. ]

Edited 2022-02-06 01:59 (UTC)

[ Her expression remains tender, as she gazes up at him, but her lips thin and her hand tightens in his hair for a moment.

There are few things in this universe she hates more than Apocalypse. That should have made it easier to see what was happening, what he couldn't tell her. ]

Phoenix can be corrupted. Apocalypse is corruption.

[ It's easy enough, looking back, to say he should have talked more to Logan, should have talked to Warren - but then, they were busy, weren't they? They were always too damned busy. ]

Honestly, it... [ She hesitates, here, because she's delving into memories that aren't quite hers, that hurt for other reasons. ] It reminds me me more of what Mastermind did to Phoenix. Of what those demons did to Madelyne.

Edited 2022-02-06 02:15 (UTC)

[ There are points in his life when her tightening her hand like that would have turned him on. Now it just makes him refocus his attention on the present moment. ]

It reminds me of a few things, and to be frank it doesn't really matter beyond understanding what was happening with us and why and me making very clear to you that it was never a lack of love.

[ Shutting the conversation down? A little. Mostly because he will climb out of his skin if he emotionally focuses on that - or things it reminds him of - too hard. Fearless leader, get your head together, etc. Exceptions are made to make her understand and say what he's wanted to say to her, and only been able to say to a grave.

Think about Maddy too long and - Okay no that'd still be easier than anything with Apocalypse Everything (nearly) is easier than that. Some of the Phoenix and deaths... are harder. It's complicated. ]

And I'm not upset about you and Logan now.

Edited 2022-02-06 11:30 (UTC)

[ With a crooked little smile: ]

No. Lack of trust, maybe, but I had that too.

[ It all seems...very stupid, in retrospect. Not bearing the idea of being small or broken or tainted or in any way less in their own goddamn bedroom. ]

When did you stop being upset?

[ He gives a softly amused snort. ] In retrospect, about the time Logan and I started using you as some sort of weapon to hurt each other with. [ Can't do that if you don't at least acknowledge something was there. ] Consciously? Almost the second Logan told me what was going on when he was from. More so when I saw you.

[ Her eyebrows arch, and her tone turns wry and weary. ]

Yeah, I saw some of that. [ A purposeful tug on his hair, this time. ] Idiots.

[ She saw some of -

Of course she did. ]

Keep pulling my hair, Jean, and you're going to get us arrested.

[ Also wry but in his case also dry. Not denying the idiots thing though because. Well. Look, he and Logan do what they do. It... doesn't not work at all? Kinda? ]

[ If they're going to use her as a prop in their aggressive sexual confusion she'd at least prefer to be there to enjoy it!

...Yeah, that thought strikes and she cheeks darken in a distinct blush.

As she resists the urge to tug his hair again. ]

So as a complete non-sequitur: do you think they've got cameras in here?

[ Look how convincing she is. The smoothest criminal. ]

[ Scott... pulls her hair, instead. Look, he's got his fingers wrapped up in it and also--

He's laughing at the blush and question. It's just a really great combination.]

Probably. Do I think they have the staff and hours to monitor that much footage just in case? No.

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